works for me wendesday (the advice addition)

Now I know at Rocks in my dryer this was not planned, but I would like some advice!
H has a problem!
She doesn't do anything unless she is getting something out of it!
She rushes and understands all her homework when she knows that she has something to do, soccer game, practice, or just playing outside with her friends, but on days when she doesn't have anything to do she lags, and "acts" like she doesn't understand.
Monday she had soccer practice, she had free time in class so she finished all of her homework for the day. Tuesday, she didn't have anything to do regarding soccer so she left her homework at school, it is due on Thursday and she has to be finished with it before she goes to her game at 6 (so 2 hours to finish 4 pages) I will bet money (just a figure of speech I am really not betting) that she will be finished by 6, or get most of it finished in class, because she knows that she has to have it done to get to go to her game!
I am not really sure why she acts like this, we try not to tell her what we have planned, when she asks if she can go out in play we say "we'll see" or "maybe" in hopes that she wont lag but she tends to stay on task when she knows she gets something when she is done...
Are all kids like this? if not how do you stop it? If they are when do they grow out of it?
Its really annoying!


Blogger mumple said...

This is totally normal! Think about it: even as adults, the *stuff* we *have* to do is much easier to deal with when we have a *reward* waiting!

The Howler does this, also. She scurries when it's something she wants to show off for us (like her forming reading skills) but when she's "bored" (meaning there's nothing new here), she drags and lags and does it wrong on purpose, thinking that we'll give up and let her give up also.

We've found that giving her those rewards (aka bribes) actually encourages her at this stage. It can be something simple--a special snack of popcorn, someone reading to her (the book of her choice), playing a board game (again, of her choice.)

We figure that at 6 years old, she's still too little to fully understand the *reward* of a job well done, and it's our job to encourage her. I'm sure that by the end of this year, her rewards will be along the lines of waiting until Saturday to go to the park, doing several nights worth of homework for a movie night at home...that sort of thing.

Also, if homework is taking a looong time to get done (I think I read 2 hours ??) you could consider breaking it up--do one or two subjects, take a break, then do another.

If you keep the rewards healthful and fun, it could be just what she needs as an incentive!

September 24, 2008 at 11:30 AM

Blogger Shynea @ Penny Pinching Diva said...

Don't worry, it's not just you. All kids go through this stage. (Some of them never grow out of it. Take for instance my 23 year old sister.) Both of my oldest sons will not do anything on their own unless they think they will get something out of it. Especially cleaning their room. The only way I have solved this is by taking away some of their things because of laziness, and letting them earn them back once they take the initiative on their own to be more responsible and not have me to remind them to pick up their room.

So far, this is working really well for me. They know that if they want to keep the Playstation in their room, then their room needs to be cleaned. If I come in their room right before it's time for them to go to bed, and there is anything on the floor or out of place, I pick everything up and put it in a laundry basket in the hall closet. Once they have showed me that they are going to be more responsible, they can earn some of their things back a little at a time.

I hope you find a solution.

September 24, 2008 at 8:53 PM


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